If you decline to hijack a young person's opportunity to find or figure out something she needs to know—something that is better learned than taught—it’s possible she will begin thinking about matters for which you’ve been taking responsibility. From there, it's a short trip to shifting responsibility for those matters to her. That’s where it belongs because, sooner or later, that's where it will land, no matter what.
As this shift begins, perhaps she’ll talk with you about her new experiences with responsibility. For instance, she may want to blame you because she forgot something important. She may attempt to shift responsibility back to you. Positive or negative, if she expresses thoughts and feelings about who she believes should be responsible for managing certain details of day-to-day living, you’ll know your plan is starting to work.
Look, I get it…this is hard. But don’t give in to your need to be needed. It’s not worth it. Do this: Express your sympathy about each inconvenience she suffers and, without moralizing, decline to take back responsibility. All opinions to the contrary, your success as a parent will not be measured by the things your child doesn’t know how to do at the end of high school. And, the truth is, each time you take responsibility for details your child could be covering, you leave something else undone. It may be something nonessential like working on your watercolors, or something as important as getting to bed at a decent hour. I don’t know: Any chance your personal health and development might affect the well-being of your child?